It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
