i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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