the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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