I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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