scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
