that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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