just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
