Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize