Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
