There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
They have beer where we have blood.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
