just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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