So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
