I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
As shirtless as possible
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
