Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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