Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
