I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
