New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
