Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Randomize
