My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize