I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
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