did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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