I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
