I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
