Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
