i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
