I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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