How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
