the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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