you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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