Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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