Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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