how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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