just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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