Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
