I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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