The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
