Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
