i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Randomize
