as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
