Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just cropdusted the office
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
