i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
