that's an acceptable place to lick
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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