He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
