i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
