dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
