I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
