In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize