Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
