Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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