i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
