Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
