Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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