you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
