well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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