Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
