are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
