totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
