3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
a search helicopter?!
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Vodka?
Forever.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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