I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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