She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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