No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
