I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
