I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
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He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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