Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Where is the hickey?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....