when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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