i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
