Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
