Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
