Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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