no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just pee around me
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
