Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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