Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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