Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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