I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
