onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
