remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
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I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
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I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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