why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
