96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
