Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
