I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
