Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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