There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
