so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
