Are we in a gay sports bar?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
